The Middle of Nowhere
by Mary Jane Parker
Summary: When the sons of a Scooby, a Charmed One, and the Daughter of one of the AI team get together, what do you get? A lot of trouble of course. Updated 9-17-04
1. Default Chapter

E-mail: Spikesluv666@netscape.net 

Title: The Middle of Nowhere

Spoilers: all four HP books, Buffy up to the end of season six, and my three fanfics Twins of Peace books one, two, and 'two and a half'.

Category: General, Supernatural, Action/Adventure, and Romance

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: Jesus people, if I owned this do you think I'd be bootlegging CD's 'cause I'm too cheep to pay the fifteen bucks?

Summary- Prologue: Um there's not really a way to summarize this one with out giving it away

Authors Note: Wow, I'm back for another one. What can I say, you people are my life...well you, BtVS, and my WB shows, oh yeah and my HP books, and my comics, and my…er, getting pathetic here. Um, just read and review will ya? Thanks!

PS- NEXT CHAPTER NOT 'TILL AFTER CHRISTMAS!!!!!

Prologue:

It started with one baby, Fred and Gunn's first daughter. Then Lorne settled down with a nice Las Vegas stockbroker. They had a son. Hermione and Adrian Black moved from England to Los Angels soon after their graduation from Hogwarts and the downfall of Voldemort. They married, and a daughter soon followed. At the same time Draco and Piper Malfoy also moved over. Hermione and Piper were pregnant at the same time. Piper had a healthy son. Xander and Anya had retired back to the Hellmouth where they'd finally married and Anya eventually gave birth to a little girl. Meanwhile Buffy Summers Winthrop and William Winthrop, better known as Spike, were still over in England raising their two three year olds. Dawn Summers also lived with them as she was finishing her last year of high school. Dawn was seeing the illustrious Harry Potter and was the envy of many witches. Remus and Leandra Lupin also had two babies, a boy and a girl separated by a year in age.

Angel, head of Angel Investigations, soon had the funds to begin hiring additional secretaries and detectives. Some were humans with histories like Gun's, and some were demons or other non-human creatures. Many had children that they needed to place somewhere during the day while they worked. The lobby was soon filled during the after school hours with children from one month to ten years. Fred and Cordelia interviewed many nannies to start a company nursery in the hotel, but none were quite qualified for the job of sitting human and demon children and those that came anyway lasted no more than a week.

Dawn finished high school and Harry Potter proposed. Because Dawn was 'his' Niblet Spike firmly put his foot down, telling the young couple that they needed a trial period of one year apart before they married. Neither Dawn nor Harry was very pleased about this (and neither was Buffy) but they didn't argue much with the blond vampire and soon Dawn was on her way back to Sunnydale with her sister, brother-in-law, and cousins while Harry stayed in England boarding with Sirius Black and Ron Weasley and going through his Auror training.

Upon hearing that Buffy was coming back Angel was elated. His problem was solved. Who better to take care of demon children than the slayer? He suggested the idea after the family had been back for a few days and Buffy eagerly said yes, because the fact that she had children made her apprehensive about taking up slaying full time again. Her husband on the other hand was not to pleased about the idea and brooded about it for about a week until Buffy and Dawn finally convinced him to let go of at least some of the hatred he had for Angel so that Buffy could work. 

And so the children of her friends and of Angel's employees finally had a permanent babysitter.

*~*

Eleven Years Later- 2015 

"His mum was a shifter, his father was an elf. It makes for a weird magic combination, and he can't channel it through a wand, we've tried!" Spike was explaining to Professor Dumbledore. 

"It's all Earth based," said Professor Willow Rosenberg. Her voice was muffled through the wooden door of the office. "So I've tried teaching him, but it doesn't work."

Jonah Winthrop was half listening to the meeting in the office, and half concentrating on what he trying to accomplish on the floor. So far two marigolds had sprouted and bloomed, and more were on the way. A yellow light came from his palm when he held his hand over the floor. Another flower bloomed. His Aunt Willow didn't know it, but she'd taught him something.

"I know who can help him." Jonah heard Professor Dumbledore say. "There are three women in San Francisco very gifted in many types of magic. I can almost guarantee they'll be able to teach him, and if not their husbands surely will."

The shrill scrapping of a chair on the floor followed along with his mother's voice. "I'm not sending my twelve year old to San Francisco just like that!" Buffy's fingers snapped for emphasis. Jonah silently agreed, Hellmouth or not Sunnydale was still his home and he wasn't ready to leave just yet. Flowers started to wilt in lieu of his distraction, something he didn't want, so he concentrated on the ground again.

"Buffy sit down," Dumbledore soothed gently. "I wasn't suggesting you send him just yet. Wait a year or two and see what happens. You never know, Jonah might gain control with out help, but if he doesn't here," The sound of a quill scratching lightly on paper. "This is their number and here is their address. If you ever do contact them, tell them that I recommended them to you."

"What makes you think these witches can take it on?" Asked Spike.

"Simple," Willow said. "They're the Charmed ones."

This interested Jonah and he stopped what he was doing for a moment to listen in through the door. He was upset when no more about the subject was said. Instead there were around of thank yous and goodbyes from the adults and foot movements towards the door. Jonah squeezed his left hand tightly and the flowers on the floor quickly faded into nothingness. 

"Ready to go get your brothers?" Buffy asked Jonah when she, Spike, and Willow exited the office. 

"Yeah mum," He said and then asked cautiously. "So did you decide anything?"

All three of the adults shook their heads at the same time, and Spike said, "Nothing's definite. We're gonna see how it goes. Remember, in the end it's your decision."   


	2. Chapter One: Why the Halliwells Don't Li...

E-mail: Spikesluv666@netscape.net 

Title: Untitled

Spoilers: all four HP books, Buffy up to the end of season six, and my three fanfics Twins of Peace books one, two, and 'two and a half'.

Category: General, Supernatural, Action/Adventure, and Romance

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: One, two, three, four

                  Disclaimers are such a bore

                  Five, six, seven, eight

                  I don't own 'em so don't litigate 

Summary- Chapter One:

Authors Note: Yes people I swear it, Joss Whedon is really Spike writing about Buffy's life. All those pictures and clips of Joss…it's a puppet! A puppet I tell you! Muwhahahaha! ::gets carted off by the people in white jackets::

Chapter One:

_My birth mother worked for Angel Investigations. She used to drop me off of in the nursery every morning then come back and get me at night. Note the past tense. She died on the job one night and never came back. My father was already dead. When the head sitter found out my mum wouldn't be coming back she took me home with her, and that's where I stayed. _

_I can't say that the Summers/Winthrop household is the most normal place for a person to grow up, but at least the weirdness is spread evenly. Mum's a full time sitter in a nursery and a part time vampire slayer. Dad's a vampire (with a soul a might add) who writes books about mum's earlier adventures under the pseudonym Joss Whedon. My brother's are twin vampires four years older than me who attend school in New York. My sister isn't a vampire, but she's abnormally strong which everyone assumes she got from mum. Then of course there's my very large extended family that consists of people are related to my family by blood and those who aren't. To make a long story short there are witches, wizards, werewolves, psychics, a Key that opens hells gates, and more vampires scattered all along the family tree. No one quite falls under the definition of normal._

_And where do I fit in? Well I'm not exactly human either. I can look it by using my personal glamour, but if you saw me with out it you'd immediately know the truth. With glamour I have short brown hair, green eyes, and I'm five foot six. I don't really stick out in a crowd and that's the way I like it. When my glamour drops it's a different story, especially since we live over a hellmouth. Naturally my brown hair has streaks of dark moss green; if this were the only thing different I wouldn't be using my glamour as often. I'd pass it off as hair dye, but my ears and eyes are too different to pass of as anything. My pointed ears are easily visible because of the length of my hair and they don't make contacts the color purple that my eyes are. Reasons for my appearance? My father was an elf and my mother was a shifter._

_As result of my mixed heritage there's a truckload of magic running through my system. The easiest to control are the glamour and my shifting abilities. They're quite similar, which makes it easy for me. Elfin earth magic and healing have given me problems since I turned nine. Things tend to happen sporadically, plants grow and wilt depending on my moods, soil dries up at times when I touch it, animals are attracted to me, and during a screaming match with my brothers there was a nice sized earth quake. Though we still aren't sure if that was only a coincidence._

_When I was twelve my parents and my Aunt Willow (who isn't really my aunt) had a talk with the former Headmaster of Hogwarts in England. He gave them the names of three witches, Piper, Phoebe, and Paige Halliwell who would be able to help me. Mum didn't want me going anywhere just yet so it was three years before I went to live in San Francisco. That's where I am now, at Halliwell Manor…_

"You're turning that in?" Lydia Gunn spoke in one of her more sarcastic tones and looked up from the sheets of loose leaf in her hands. "Mrs. Parker'll have you committed."

I shrugged and grabbed the paper from her. "Well it's true."

"Jonah, hun, this doesn't exist…remember?" She placed her hand over one of the stuffed bears that populated her room and laughed as it stood up and did the Macarena. "If I can make mine normal, then so can you."

"You are normal."

"My mother is physics super genius who was a slave in another dimension, my father is a vampire hunter, my sister is a math genius and a vampire hunter, and I'm a witch. It might be normal by your standards, but for your average Joe my life packs quite a punch." Lydia finished with a smug smile. There was no way I was going to keep arguing with Lydia. She would just talk, and talk, and talk, and she would never run out of energy. Instead I dug around in my folder and pulled out another essay. The one filled with lies that I planned to turn in. My friend looked it over and nodded appreciatively. "No mentions of vampires, elves, witches, yet still well written and won't get you committed. I applaud you."

"Thanks," I said dryly. 

Lydia's completely her mother's daughter, and she wasn't bragging when she said her mum's a super genius. Lydia's teachers adore her, and she's on track to graduate with me next year though she's a year younger. She wanted to graduate her sophomore year but her old school didn't allow it. The school here is flexible enough for Lydia to do whatever she wants. On top of graduating a year early she's also intensely studying witchcraft. 

"It's six o' clock, do you want to go over to P3?" Lydia asked. 

"We've had this discussion. You're fifteen, you don't belong in P3 even though Piper does own it." 

"The Bronze?"

"Sure if you can get Floo powder in San Francisco. We're out." I said with a sigh. California had one Diagon Alley like shopping place for witches and wizards and it was in Berkley.

Lydia sighed as well and chewed her lower lip. She looked over to her desk where her laptop sat open. The page drawn up was a spreadsheet; most likely another company whose fund Lydia had wormed her way into. "Forman's Life Insurance has been charging their customers twenty dollars a month more than they're supposed to. I think they made an extra thirty thousand this month, wait a sec," She scurried over to the screen and double-checked her info. "Yeah, thirty thousand. They're transferring money from Fleet Bank to US Trust at around seven. Armored car, security guards, guns, the whole nine yards."   

"What time is it now?" I asked.

"Six." Lydia turned from the screen pushing her brown hair from her face revealing a wide grin. "Y'know Cole and Leo are downstairs, and you're still banned from driving."

The not being able to drive part would be a problem, but we could work around it. Cole and Leo would be a much bigger problem. "We might be able to get them; they don't _always_ know when we're lying." Having them around was sort of like having two lie detectors. Unless you were really good you couldn't get away with anything in this house. Luckily Lydia and I were good. It came from four long years of practice and punishment. 

"Phoebe's in the kitchen."

"We go out the front door then." I said.

The girl glared and huffed. "And what Jonah, are we going to walk the twelve blocks? We'll completely miss the money if we do that. We're gonna have to steal the car."

"You only suggest that because you weren't grounded for six months the last time we tried that 'bright idea'." Those had been some of the worst months of my life. The monotony of going to school and coming straight home was not something I was willing to face again. Actually I shouldn't say that because I'm wiling to face grounding, just never again in that length. "We'll go through backyards. I'll go as a tiger, you ride on my back."

"And the bruises to my pelvic area continue." She laughed.

"Hey if you want to steal the car that's fine with me, but I'll be here in my room not facing grand theft auto charges." I stood up went to the door and leaned against the frame. "So?"

Lydia stuck her tongue out at me. "We'll do it your way. How much is our take going to be?"

"We take what they stole, so thirty thousand. That's ten bags or five cases." Kind of sad to think that I could convert money into bags right off the top of my head, but in our 'occupation' it was necessary.

Lydia wants to be in the 2024 Olympics for archery. I want to be a supernatural investigative journalist. What the two of us do could probably prevent us from doing anything anywhere. Our rap sheets are probably miles long. Or they would be, if were ever caught. I know I sound incredibly smug but I think I have a right to be. Lydia and I have been stealing from large corporations for four years and we still haven't been caught.

By now you've probably deduced that Lydia and I are juvenile delinquents and have fetishes for robbing banks and corporations. Ok, so we do rob banks and corporations, but it's not like we keep the stuff we steal. Think of us as the Robin Hoods of the 21st century. We steal from the companies that steal from their consumers or employees and give the stolen money to people who actually need it. 

Our system is simple. Lydia hacks into various companies' computers, steals their financial records, and goes over them with a fine-toothed comb. If she finds anything that seems off I investigate some more. Then eventually it comes down to afternoons like this when we have our target and we sit around making last minute plans.     

And where are our parents when this is going on? Lydia's are in LA and mine are in Sunnydale. Don't worry they make full use of telephone service to yell at us. Mum even had Aunt Willow make a Howler once. That wasn't fun. 

Our guardians on the other hand are here with us in San Francisco and that proves for some nasty situations. Phoebe and Piper _do not_ approve of our after school activities. They don't have a problem with the hacking or exposing of company scandals, or even the stealing. It's the overt use of our powers that bothers them. Piper's husband Leo is of course right there, supporting them the whole way. Cole and Paige are a different story. Cole's a lawyer so naturally he'd be opposed to the hacking and stealing, the use of powers doesn't bother him as much seeing as he uses his demonic ones all the time as do his children (when Phoebe is far, far away). He joins in on the lectures against our bad behavior but I always see him trying to hide grins. Something in him completely approves. Paige, being the social worker and patron of justice that she is, encourages us in our exploits. I love Paige.  

"Bring the crossbow," I cautioned, reading the computer screen. "Seems like they've finally decided to try and protect themselves against us. The guards will be wearing that new metal stuff."

"Sweet, retaliation!" Lydia said in a singsong voice as she grabbed the crossbow from where she kept it hidden under her bed. "Since they're retaliating can I dress up so I can scare them?"

Mature as she was, Lydia could still revert backwards. "Yes but hurry, and if you're going as Robin bring the bow and arrow not the crossbow, and bring mine." I answered her and turned my back so that she could change. When I turned back around two minutes later she was dressed in green tights along with a long brown shirt and a dagger in a leather sheath that knotted around her waist. Another thing about Lydia, she really liked to over do it at times. Though I had to admit seeing Lydia as Robin Hood would startle the guards.

"I have a cover story for us, follow my lead." She looked back at the clock wall. "Shit, it's 6:30!"

We hurried out of her room and down the stairs together. As she'd said Cole and Leo were in the parlor and Phoebe had joined them from the kitchen. If we'd known that before we probably would've made a quieter descent in attempt to sneak past them and into the kitchen, but when we came storming down the stairs all three adults turned to look at us. Leo saw Lydia, sighed, and slapped his forehead.

"Why do I have the feeling no good can come from this?" He asked rhetorically.

Lydia smiled serenely and gave a small laugh. "Oh c'mon Uncle Leo! We're not doing _that_! Jonah's taking me to Rissa's Halloween party. It's the first one of the season! Anyway, Jonah doesn't trust Rissa's older brother so I said he could drop me off to check it out first. All my friends think he's hot anyway so he might stay, right Jonah?"

"Yeah, remember Lydia got sloshed at Rissa's summer party because of John, so I'm just going to look around." I said completely Lydia's lie. Luckily Rissa really was having a party that night and we could stop there on our way back to avoid a lot of trouble. When lying it's always best to stick to the truth as much as possible.

Phoebe crossed her arms. "I thought we told you not to go back to her parties."

"Phoebe!" Lydia said with just a hint of a whine. "Rissa's my best friend. She'll be really upset if I-"

"Home by ten." Cole said, cutting her off before she went into full swing. "No drinking, no drugs, no kissing, no sex."

"Scouts honor." She held up two fingers and smiled. "Thanks Cole! Let's go Jonah."

"Oh and don't for get the number one rule!" Leo called at our backs. "No vigilanteism!"

I grinned. Of course Lydia and I would be perfect angels. Foreman Insurance would just happen to have a different opinion.

*~*

Around six forty five that night a tiger with a girl dressed as Robin Hood on it's back could be seen leaping through various back yards for eleven blocks. The eleventh block had a busy intersection where the tiger and the girl caused quite a stir amid the rusher hour traffic. They passed through relatively peacefully over to the next block where they trotted down the street and stopped, backing into the shadows of an apartment building.

Lydia slid gracefully off my back and moved further into the shadows as I changed back from tiger to man. Then I dropped my primary glamour so I'd look elfin. The only glamour I kept distorted my facial features and Lydia's as long as she stayed close enough. I also changed my clothes to appear as those of a foresters. 

"Ready?" She giggled and touched my ears. "Y'know you look like a Lord of the Rings reject extra."

"And you look like you stepped out of twelfth century England, so we're even." I said and nocked an arrow onto my bow. "I always feel we're cheating by using enchanted arrows."

"Arrows against guns," Lydia pretended to balance it in her hands. "Yes, we're cheating ever so much. Now shut up, here comes the money."

"Aim for the chest, not the heart. Ribs." I directed. We both aimed for a guard and let our arrows fly. The driver of the truck jumped in his seat as my arrow hit him. Like most he went into shock and slumped over on the steering wheel. His head hit the horn and loud blast sounded alerting the other guards. Lydia's target was hit but he was able to call out the name 'Robin' before he fell. That said all the guards started to panic. We've successfully made the name Robin a curse in most banks, companies, and precincts. 

I shot two more arrows, as did Lydia. Only three guards collapsed, but that was all right because two of them had been holding bags of money. The other had been standing by the back opening of the trunk where the rest of the money was. The few remaining guards drew guns and tazers, but they had no one to shoot or stun.

Lydia dropped her bow signifying that she was ready to gather the bags. "What's your largest animal form?"

"I do cats and canines, I've told you this how many times?" My power is limited to the two species for reasons that I don't know. But I have access to a wolf and to a lion and tiger, and that's really all I need so it suits me fine.

"Hey I can pray. How many of those can a tiger carry in it's mouth?"

"Five."

"Let's go!" With a devil may care grin she sprinted into the thick of the dropped bodies. The remaining guards rushed her, but she dodged easily knocking a few more off their feet. Sticking two fingers in her mouth she let out a shrill whistle to signal me. It was most for show and shock factor but I had to admit that I enjoyed it. Like the good tiger I was I trotted out to her and gathered the remaining bags in my mouth. Lydia swung onto my back with two bags in each hand and one in her mouth. 

"Haul ass!" Lydia shouted when we heard the telltale sound of bullets. She's never gotten used to the sound of guns, and has had the pleasure of a flesh wound. So generally when the guns start firing she's ready to leave as quickly as possible. I ran past our previous hiding spot, pausing to allow her enough time to pick up the bows then we left the way we came.

We'd gone four blocks when I stopped running at full speed. Not only was the tiger not built for long distance running, but also it seemed that we didn't really need to. Usually when we make an escape it's like seeing OJ Simpson being chased down the highway, but instead of a white SUV with five police cars chasing behind it it's a orange and black tiger with an insane girl on his back. Lydia and I always get away because of my glamour and her protection spells. But now as I listened and looked behind us I didn't notice any sign of pursuit.

"Jonah?" Lydia dismounted in the alley where I'd stopped. The bags of money fell from her arms when she came around to talk to me. I dropped mine too. "Why'd we stop?"

I growled and nosed one of the bags. It smelled different and when I bit it and jerked it open I discovered why.

"Oh my God, Jonah! This isn't money!" She said, her face scrunching up in anger. She picked up the dried brownish green stuff that had fallen from the bag and sniffed it. "This is hemlock." Lydia had never had cause to use the dagger at her waist before, but now she unsheathed it and unceremoniously cut open the other bags. 

"Hemlock, juniper, aconite… I don't think this is good. Yuck! Nasty gooey stuff!" She shook off her hand in the air and rubbed the rest of the brown gook on her tunic. "It smells like frog. There are more herbs too. I don't know what they are though. And this bag is filled with…oh bracelet charms. Pentacles, daggers, and skulls. Lovely mix." Each small silver charm glinted with captured sunlight. Lydia began to stuff the various materials back into their respective bags. That done she bound them as best she could and pulled them up onto my back. I didn't know exactly what she was planning but I picked up my five bags.

Lydia buried her head in my fur and groaned. "I don't think this is good. I mean a company transporting all this in moneybags? It sounds like something Wolfram and Hart would do. We need to tell them at home." I nodded in agreement. "Phoebe and Leo are going to be so mad. I think we've uncovered our biggest company scandal yet. Let's take the backyards home, okay?"

*~*

Paige was dressed in a black skirt topped with a blue blouse when she met us at the door, meaning she had just gotten back from the office. Her bag was even on the steps leading to the backdoor. I couldn't tell her exact mood; she didn't look angry with us, but she didn't look ecstatic either. Phoebe and Cole's youngest son stuck his head out from behind Paige's skirt and pointed at Lydia (who was still perched on my back).

"You're on TV Auntie Lydia!" Patrick said, giggling then sticking his thumb back into his mouth. He looked at me and back to Paige. "Lion?"

"Tiger honey, but close. It's really Jonah though." Paige scooped the four year old into her arms. "He's right you two, right in the middle Jeopardy. They did their special news report live from the Fleet Bank, and their reporting that thirty thousand dollars was stolen."

Lydia snorted sarcastically and climbed down from my back with her bags of supposed money. I dropped the bags from my mouth and shifted back to human. Lydia had already dropped our bows on the ground and was proceeding in dumping the contents from the bags to the concrete path. Patrick squirmed from Paige's arms when she bent down to examine what Lydia was pouring out and I grabbed him before he could stuff anything into his mouth as he was prone to do.

"I wish we'd taken the other bags." I said. "There might've been something that would've told us something."

Paige sniffed an herb. "No need. I think someone knows that you're not doing all this Robin Hood stuff by normal means. The police have your arrows, and a guard claims to have seen 'a reject from Lord of the Rings'."

"Told you so!" Lydia exclaimed, and then became serious again. "How can they possibly have our arrows? They're magic, they disappear, like…poof! And no one should've seen Jonah, we have glamour and memory charms."

"You counter magic with magic." Paige answered. "I think it's obvious that Foreman Insurance isn't anything normal."

I rolled my eyes. "Well yeah, just this could tell us that. But what are they doing, if anything? For all we know they just wanted to catch us."

"But we're never that lucky." Paige placed the contents back into the bags. "People always want to kill, maim, dismember, that sort of lovely thing. C'mon Piper and Phoebe will be waiting to chew you out."

Patrick nodded sagely in agreement. "Mommy is very worried. Daddy told Mommy not to have a…her-ni-a, hernia. What's a hernia?"

Paige laughed and told him that she'd tell him later. The three of us grabbed bags and hauled them into the house tracking mud through threw kitchen as we went. That would be another thing for Piper to yell at us for. Sure enough the whole family was sitting in the living room, and I mean the whole family. This meant the adults, Piper, Leo, Phoebe, and Cole and then the kids. Melinda, Nick, and Allison (Piper and Leo's daughters and son) and James, Sarah, and Emma who were Patrick's brothers and sisters. Lydia and I are the only kids outside the family that live here, which makes our numbers more than enough. Nine kids and five adults; sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't.

Leo and Cole stood up together when Lydia and I came in, hauling out goods behind us. Emma and Sarah started going 'Oooh, they're in trouble' (they're nine and ten so I forgive them for their immaturity) and Melinda just shook her head and clucked her tongue in disappointing tones (she really needs to loosen up; the way she acts you'd think that at her tender age of fifteen the world rested on her shoulders).

"Are the little delinquents in?" I jumped when I heard mum's voice. It came from the phone, which was on speaker. I wished it could've been Dad. Mum doesn't know the meaning of the word calm, she'd rant and rave until dad physically pried the phone from her fingers then he'd speak, and surprisingly he was much calmer about it. He was sort of like Cole. 

While I preferred my father on the phone during these talks Lydia preferred her mother. Her father was like my mother but with out the super strength. Her mum was usually calm, (unless she'd had a major intake of caffeine) and thought things through before saying them. When Lydia heard her mum's voice come through the second phone line she let out a sigh of major relief. Then her mum's voice turned out to be the answering machine, and she was even happier. Then Angel picked up. Lydia's smile turned into a frown very quickly.

"Wow you brought the money home for once!" James yelled excitedly. The fourteen year old helped us occasionally in our exploits (using his demonic powers), but was always upset that we gave the money to charities and other such organizations, never keeping any for ourselves

"_They did what?!_ " Mum and Angel yelled at the same time. Thank you James. In the background of one of the phone lines I hear my dad yelling as something crashed. The fight had begun.

"We didn't," I appealed to my parents and the rest of the room. "Look, it's just a whole bunch of Hemlock and stuff. That's why we brought it home."

Lydia was quick to join in. "That's not a normal company! Angel, think Wolfram and Hart. They were able to keep our arrows from disappearing and they saw Jonah!"

"Have you spoken to Daryl?" Phoebe asked Piper.

"There's nothing we could ask him to do other than destroy the arrows, and it wouldn't be fair to ask him to do that. Not that he would in the first place. Besides, we're lucky; no one actually saw Lydia or Jonah. Just and elf, a tiger, and a strange unremarkable girl in weird clothing." Paige said first. "They were trying to do some good. The evidence showed that the company was cheating people out of money." She had obviously been up to Lydia's laptop.

"What happens one day when they get caught?" asked mum.

"We won't!" Lydia said forcefully.

"No you won't." said Angel. "Because the Robin Hood stuff is stopping now."

"But…this, we can't just let this company get away with out investigation!" I sputtered.

Piper stepped forward. "Yes you can. Bows, arrows, and quivers now!"

"Oh give me a break! Look at this! Something serious could be happening!" Paige said. Her eyes swept the room for support and met Cole's. "Cole, please! You do not agree with this!"

Cole met her gaze, "I don't." He said in a clipped tone. "But the decisions have already been made."

"What decisions?" I asked, sensing that we were in for more than having our weapons taken. "Mum, dad?"

"No!" Paige said as if just realizing something. She rubbed the bridge of her nose and swept a piece of her hair behind her hair, signs she was nervous or exasperated. "I know Jonah's learned almost all of what he needs, but what about Lydia? And…school, what about school?"

As I tried to process the information quickly, I heard my dad come to the phone. "Jonah your mum and I talked with each other, and Lydia's parents talked too and Peaches. We don't think San Francisco is working."

Lydia's eyes opened wide. "We have to come home? I'm not ready to go back to the Hyperion yet!"

"Not home. Your aunt and uncle."

"Aunt Hermione and Uncle Adrian?" Lydia ventured careful.

"Right," dad drawled. "Living in the lap of luxury in that mansion would be a bloody wonderful punishment, and with LA right next door eh? You're going to your other aunt." 

I groaned. We had many aunts, but only one we'd be sent to for a punishment. Not Candra, Cordy, Willow, or Anya. No, we'd be sent to the middle of nowhere. "Piper and Draco?" 

"You leave in a week." Angel said. "You won't be able to rob banks, have stories on the news, you'll be safe and out of trouble."

"They live in the middle of the goddamned woods, in Minnesota!" Lydia yelled, her pale brown face turning red. "Angel, Spike you can't be serious! Where am I supposed to go to school, to have fun, to finish learning witchcraft? Mom and dad did not agree to this!"

I just stood there trying not to believe what I was hearing. We were being sent to Draco and Piper Malfoy and their hell-spawn children. I didn't see why we couldn't go to Adrian and Hermione. We'd be living the same way, that's for sure. Draco's family was one of the Bill Gates' of the wizarding world, and Piper and Adrian both had a substantial trust fund in Gringots left to them by their mother. Of the reason we were going to the middle of the woods was because there we couldn't do anything. Visiting was fine, you knew you'd be able to leave, but living there? Parish the thought. 

"We told you three to stop." Phoebe said, her face softening just slightly, but her eyes gliding over to James. James edged backward in his seat like he knew, as I did, what was coming next. "But you kept at it, and this is the consequence. Don't look so surprised James, you're part of this too. I remember one bank a few months ago that burned to the ground. That's what tipped us off."

"Wait a sec…" James held up a hand. "I'm going too?" All the adults nodded.

"Good," I said sourly. "If we have to go down, we're taking everyone with us."

Paige crossed her arms. "How long?"

"Until August, just one school year." Piper said. "Then they can come back here. I'm sure they can handle it."

"School, magic and conventional?" Paige asked. She was on her way into full social worker mode. 

"The town is small, but there's a middle school for James and high school for Lydia and Jonah. As for magic, Lydia will be taught by Willow on weekends and Jonah by the healers."

My Aunt Leandra (who also isn't my real aunt), Piper's namesake, was a very gifted healer. While Piper and Hermione were at Hogwarts she trained them in healing in a class started to produce students to help in Voldemort's downfall. Hermione and Piper hadn't participated in the actual defeat of Lord Voldemort, but the teaching hadn't been wasted. When they left Hogwarts they both pursued careers in healing. Hermione works as a part time doctor's aid at an L.A hospital, and when she's not there she works with Buffy at Angel's nursery as a nurse for the kids. 

Everyone had expected Piper to become an auror like Harry Potter, or something that held that kind of excitement and adventure. Mum and Willow say that she thought about it for a while, but the day after graduation Draco had proposed and three weeks later she'd discovered that she was pregnant. Being an auror or an unspeakable was out of the question. On top of all that, facts about Draco's father and mother's involvement with Voldemort were slowing surfacing (they currently reside in Azkaban). They planned to move to California or New York after the wedding and live off of their combined inheritances until they figured out exactly what to do. The couple worked with Angel Investigations for a while, but Piper figured out what she really wanted right after she had their first son Lucien. The family picked up and moved to Minnesota where Piper opened _The Livia Black Center of Healing_.

Piper's 'hospice' as she calls it, is a place where witches, wizards, demons, and all other supernatural creatures can go for medical care or in special cases asylum. There're some permanent residents and some temporary. Leandra works there on occasion as well as Hermione. I think of Piper as sort of the Professor Xavier of the paranormal with all the people she takes in and help she gives out. Draco I always relate to Indiana Jones. He deals in magical antiquities, often having to go to distant places to retrieve what he wants. 

The hospice its self is in the middle of the woods and looks mostly like any normal hospital, it's inside where you'll find the weirdness. Piper and Draco's house (or mansion I should say) is right next to it. They live there with their three sons and four or five people who've stayed on with them after leaving the hospice care. The nearest town is about thirty minutes away and has a population of five hundred at the most. They don't have enough kids to warrant a school so everyone attends the schools in the next town over.

"What did I ever do? Nothing!" James was yelling.

Piper and Phoebe stared at him incredulously. "You single handedly burned down a building. That to me is doing something. Then there're the random fires that seem to pop up every once in a while at the sights Lydia and Jonah rob. It's nice they tried to keep you out of trouble, but you're the only person I know that can start fires with his hands."

"Look," said Leo. "If it'll make you feel better we'll look into this when you leave." He indicated the bags on the floor. "But only after you leave."

"Which is 18th by the way." Piper added in.

"Gee, nice to know we were appreciated around here." Lydia said bitterly. This comment set off a whole slew of people talking at once. Lydia was arguing with Piper, Paige was arguing with Leo, James was arguing with Phoebe, and so forth and so forth. Cole, who looked almost indifferent, managed to catch my eye from across the room. He started moving towards the kitchen, motioning for me to follow him. Patrick wouldn't let go of my hand so I went with him into the kitchen. The rest of them didn't notice. They were too busy shouting at each other.

"You do realize why this is happening?" Were Cole's first words to me.

I glared fiercely. "Yeah, our parents are gits."

"No," he said. "It's actually because we want you to survive past your present ages. That and we'd rather you leave investigations of various evils to us. Your parents have been thinking about this for a long time. They decided as soon as you dug up anything dealing with the occult in any of these corporations they were sending you out of here."

"So they've just been waiting for this?"

"In a way. We don't want you doing what we do."

"May I point out that my mum was slaying demons at fifteen. I'm seventeen, Lydia's sixteen, James is…well ok he's young, but we never asked him to help us. He was bored one day." I explained, trying not to sound to whiny, or to start shouting. The fight in the parlor was escalating enough without us adding to it.

Cole rolled his eyes. "James gets bored too easily, that's another reason he's going. It's only a year Jonah. A year where the three of you will stay out of trouble; then you'll come back and I'm sure you'll just start everything again. You'll have something to look forward to."

"I still don't see why we have to stay with Piper an Draco. They're nice and all but their little kids are from hell, and they're in the middle of the woods. Couldn't we stay with Candra and Oz or Dawn and Harry?"

"No. Candra and Oz live in Sunnydale, there's no punishment element there. You can't stay with Harry and Dawn because they live in London. No punishment there either. And none of them have kids that'll drive you insane the whole time you're there." He grinned almost evilly. "Now, you're not getting out of it, so get used to the idea. You leave on the eighteenth and the plane takes off at 12:45 PM. You three will be on it."

When he started talking planes I gave him an odd look. "A plane? We can't even Floo?"

"With Floo powder you'd have to stop at the Floo station in Las Vegas and switch fire places. Lydia might get it into her mind to try to convince you to follow her to Malaysia or some other obscure country. You're going to fly, because unless you jump there's no way you're getting off it until it lands in Minnesota."


	3. Chapter Two: Exile

E-mail: 

Title: The Middle of Nowhere

Spoilers: all four HP books, Buffy up to the end of season six, and my three fanfics Twins of Peace books one, two, and 'two and a half'.

Category: General, Supernatural, Action/Adventure, and Romance

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: All things Buffy belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and UPN. All things Charmed and Angel belong to the WB and their respective creators. All things HP belong to JK Rowling and the WB. Jonah, James, Lydia, and Cleo (whom you haven't met yet) belong to me.

Summary- Chapter Two:

Authors Note:

Chapter Two:

When the driver turned off the highway and into the woods my first thought was 'maybe this won't be so bad'. The forest surrounding the house was beautiful. The trees were different shades of red and gold and the leave scattered the ground. Before leaving San Francisco I'd stolen back my bow and arrow and I couldn't help grinning. This would be a perfect place to play around.

Lydia was sitting next to me in the back of the limo sulking as she'd done for the complete two-hour flight and the drive from San Francisco to Los Angeles. She'd come down stairs with a scowl this morning, hugged her parents good bye with a glare, and boarded the plane with a frown and tension cracking around her like a whip. She scared flight attendants. There was one who wouldn't serve her. Now she sat glaring at the bald spot on the back of the driver's head. I was surprised he hadn't felt her eyes yet; you didn't have to be psychic to see that she was angry (the driver was most defiantly human, I could tell).

Then there was James who was amusing himself by making flames jump around on his fingers. I swear this kid has some sort of demon hyper activity disorder. He came into his powers about a year ago and now you'll always see fire on his hands. He can't sit still without it. Anyway James faced the move with anger at first but then indifference. He'd said little during the trip, but at least he was acting like he was pissed at the world.

The car finally pulled up a long driveway made of loose gravel and stopped in front of the mansion. Piper Malfoy was hurrying down the front steps with two small tornados running around her ankles. I could only assume they were her youngest children, Remy and Kyle.

"Be pleasant," I muttered to Lydia out of the side of my mouth as Piper approached. She said nothing and her demeanor didn't change. "Hello Piper."

"Jonah!" She almost squealed, grabbing me in a hug. Piper grabbed each of us with the same enthusiasm, and stepped back to grin at us. "I'm so glad to see the three of you! Eric, have the maids bring in their bags. Come on!" she was already dragging us up the steps.

Our aunt is still young at thirty-six and most certainly acts it; her energy was engaging. Piper looked almost exactly the same as she had when I last saw her almost a year ago. As always she wore her long black hair pinned up in a loose and messy bun. She was dressed in clothes that showed her thin form, which according to mum, was much different than the way she used to dress about fifteen to thirty-two. Piper also seemed untouched by passing time. There were no gray streaks invading her hair and her face hadn't wrinkled where the usual laugh lines would be, though she was smiling and laughing all the time. She looked like her was in her mid twenties, not her late thirties. It was just one of the benefits of being half vampire. Piper didn't flaunt her youthfulness but I had to imagine that she was the envy of plenty of mothers who'd given birth to three children.

When we walked into the front hall of the mansion the two boys ran away up the stairs leaving us alone with Piper. She continued at a quick pace through the hall and into the back of the house. "Are you three hungry? Airline food hasn't improved much over the years." James and I nodded as we entered the kitchen (which, by the way, was humongous). Lydia seemed intent on staying silent.

"Help yourself," Piper continued. "You've got free reign of the mansion and the grounds. Basically as long as you stay out of trouble you can do anything."

"Sweet." Said James with a grin.

"Just stay out of Draco's office. He keeps all his nasty stuff in there." She proceeded to open a bag of Lays and start wolfing them down. Lydia still said nothing, but got up and poured her self a glass of water. "Of course there are some more serious aspects of your stay here, but I want to wait until Draco gets home to talk about any of those. He's in South America at the moment. After you guys eat you can explore a bit 'till dinner."

When she mentioned explore I looked out the expansive windows to the forest. "Are the woods yours?"

"Legally some parts belong to us, some parts to the state. It doesn't really matter. In my opinion they don't belong to anyone and anyone is free to roam them as long as they do them no harm." Piper shrugged pensively then seemed to shake the thoughts away. "But yes, outside we have the woods, the stables, and the barn. Inside really bares no attraction except for the library where you'll be most likely to find your Aunt Hermione or Uncle Remus."

"L-Library?" Lydia's voice was dry from hours of silence and the scowl that had been burned into her face made it hard for her to form the word. When I looked at her face had almost returned back to normal. "You have a library? Where?"

"It's on the third floor. I'll take you there." Piper set her bag of chips down the came down from the counter she'd been perched on. She looked to James and I. "If you boys do plan to explore, keep a lid on the supernatural happenings. Jonah keep your glamour up and James don't set things on fire. Some of the servants don't know, only the trusted ones do, but you'll learn more on that tonight." Lydia and Piper set out of the kitchen. Lydia didn't say anything else but at least she seemed happier.

"So going into the woods I assume?" James asked when the girls were gone. Like he hadn't heard Piper's last words he lit his fingers on fire.

"I don't know," I said honestly. "Maybe the stables; I remember the horses. You?"

"I want to burn something," He said grinning and looking very much like his father. "But I'll just walk around; get my bearings again. I've only been here once. I'll try not to incinerate anything."

"You do that." I said dryly, and walked out.

There were servants all over the property. Somehow they seemed more obvious than I remembered from the past. Most were gardeners, but some looked like maids. One or two also looked like nurses or patients, but they were closer to the hospital grounds than the mansion. As I moved towards the barn and stables the number of people dwindled to none. Then as I approached the stable door signs of life started again.

Cursing and music were highly audible even before I entered the stables. Surprisingly I didn't see anyone and the cursing soon stopped, but the music got louder. The walls were decorated with medals for riding, drawings of horses done by a small hand, and muggle pictures of a young girl standing next to various farm animals. Two of the medals bore the name Kyle Malfoy while the rest were divided between Lucien (the oldest brother who was at Hogwarts) and someone named Cleo Young. I decided that Cleo must've been the girl in the pictures.

"Uh...hi."

A small tentative voice spoke from behind me. It was the voice I'd heard cursing before, just softer now. I turned around to face a grown up version of the dark haired girl in the pictures. She was holding a shovel and had hay sticking out from random places in her hair, shirt, and pants. Where her hair wasn't covering her face I could see dark freckles dotting everywhere. Her skin was very tan, like she was of Arab descent. As the silence continued I searched and found the humanity in her aura, verifying that she wasn't vampire, witch, or anything else like that.

"Hello?" Cleo asked again. Her voice grew stronger but now she was playing with a piece of her hair.

"What are you doing here?" I blurted out. It sounded much harsher then I'd meant it to, and from the look on her face Cleo obviously thought so too. I started again, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that."

She just shrugged and put the blank look back on her face. "Are you Jonah or James?"

"Jonah Winthrop, Piper and Draco's nephew." I answered

"I'm Cleo, actually Cleopatra but I go by Cleo." She finished and saw my gaze gliding towards the shovel and the hay. "I work for the Malfoy's."

"You live here?" I raised an eyebrow. Even if she was my age she was probably to young to be a live on maid.

"N-no," when she shook her head hay flew everywhere. "I live with my aunt, down the road. I just come here afternoons to ride and give Kyle his lesson, and I muck out the stalls. You're from California aren't you?"

She'd changed subjects quickly, which left me wondering more about her. "Yes, Sunnydale and then San Francisco."

"Did you move from England?" Cleo asked, still sounding nervous. "You h-have the accent."

"Mum's from California, dad's from Britain."

The girl nodded and kept her eyes downcast until she spoke again. "I'm half Egyptian. My mom was from Egypt and my dad lived here. I lived there for a while but they both died when I was young. Now I'm here, though I think I'll always prefer home in Cairo."

"I'm sorry, so did mine. My parents are my adoptive one's." I said. "I'd also prefer to be home, but our parents sent us here on punishment. They want us away from the cities."

"Well they certainly picked a place with no cities." Cleo looked out the spacious windows to the woods. "But you're lucky to be here. Especially living in the house with Piper and Draco. For me they were like saviors."

"What did they save you from?" I asked, tryin to hold her eyes with mine. She still wouldn't look directly at me.

She sighed, "Oh a few things, some from which I-I still haven't been saved. But life has been better. I crept up here one day when I was ten, just to see the horses, and I've been here ever since." He face lit up when she mentioned horses. "Do you ride?"

"No, I'm an archer. My friend Lydia could probably be persuaded to pick up from where she left off when she quit lessons. She quit a few years ago; something about not liking the instructor when she moved to San Francisco."

"Will you be going to school in Cunberwood?" The question was innocent enough, but she'd switched subjects yet again. Her expressions had changed again, now she looked almost hopeful.

"Yeah, I'm starting Monday. I'm a junior." I said, groaning inwardly at starting at a new school again. The transition in California had been easy enough with all of the Halliwell kids running around, but here all I knew were Lydia and now the girl Cleo. And I didn't know the latter well enough to call her a friend yet.

"I'm a junior too," she suddenly looked shy again. "I could, uh, show you around if you want, in-introduce you to some people. Mostly my group. A-another girl just joined us, she's from San Francisco too. Maybe you know her, Chrissy Forman. She just moved here about a week ago with her dad. He's a banker of some sort; they want to make a new start."

I'd been glancing at the decorated wall while she spoke, trying to decide what I though about Cleo. My thoughts had been jumbled enough as she offered her shy hand of friendship, reminding me of old stories of my Aunt Willow. Then the name Forman hit home like one of Lydia's arrows. Forman's Insurance was the company who'd had bags filled with hemlock, and pendants. They were the ones who'd been able to keep our enchanted arrows. I didn't know anyone named Chrissy Forman but I was willing to bet that her 'banker' father had something to do with the corrupt insurance company. It could be coincidence that they'd moved here directly after our attack on their company. But it wasn't, and Cole and my dad would've laughed at me for even thinking so.

I managed a smile for Cleo, who was eyeing me and biting on her lower lip. "Thanks, I'd actually like that. I don't know Chrissy though, but maybe I'll recognize her when I meet her."

"You might have met her before, just not remember," Cleo offered. "She's the type that blends into a crowd very easily. Brown hair, brown eyes, five five. She's nice though, that stands out. You'll fit in with us though. O-our group is mostly the kids from out of state, out of the country...that sort of thing. Some of them are bit weird though, b-but it's g-good weird, not bad weird."

"Weird isn't a problem." I assured her, thinking of some of my very good demon friends I'd met in Sunnydale, and the ones I'd grown up with from the daycare at Angel Investigations.

She gave a small grin, the first I'd seen. It completely changed her face around, and for the better. Cleo had looked younger before, but smiling she looked the sixteen or seventeen she should be. The smile continued as she opened her mouth to say something else, but at that moment the barn door flew open and a small blond haired blur in riding gear came speeding in.

"I'm ready for my lesson! Hi Jonah!" My cousin Kyle yelled, attempting to drag Cleo back to the horses. The eight year old had strength like my sister's and was halfway succeeding. Cleo stopped struggling with him and gave me a slightly apologetic look.

"I'm sorry, I lost track of time. I'll, I'll be here tomorrow around now i-if you want to talk some more. I understand if you don't."

"No, I'll be here!" I said quickly. I did want to know her, so I'd come back.

"That's great!" she smiled once more. "Maybe I'll bring some of the gang. I'll introduce you." She then disappeared into one of the stalls.

I turned and headed out of the stables, listening to Kyle's yells mingle with the still playing music. Outside the sun had begun to set. I figured I must've been in there a good hour. Another hour and it would be time for dinner. I wanted to call Angel, Cole, and my father about the Forman's sudden moves. I realized that I didn't know for a fact that this girl's father was actually the owner of the Insurance Company, but a quick look on the computer would fix that. Then I'd talk to Piper and Draco, and convince them that things looked suspicious. The two of them could then help me convince everyone back home that Lydia and I weren't completely insane when we said something big was happening


End file.
